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Top 10 most pointless objects in video games

They say one man’s junk is another man’s treasure, but sometimes — at least in video games — one man’s junk can be more like another man’s, well, um… garbage. Yes, not all items in video games are created equal, and a handful of the many bells and whistles you come across can be completely useless. Below we’ve dug up 10 of the most pointless. Let’s start!

10. Wooden Shield – Bloodborne

Ignoring all of the prevailing wisdom when it comes to going toe-to-toe with FromSoftware’s myriad monstrosities, you’ll be forgiven if you think the shield in Bloodborne is a handy item to ward off those wide-ranging, devastating attacks you’re about to throw always bring two meters under the ground. However, you would be wrong.

In a Souls-like style that emphasizes aggression over defense, the Wooden Shield – which is literally the only shield in the entire base game – is a total letdown. Not only can you not upgrade it, but you cannot parry it either.

Another insult to injury is the fact that your natural stamina regeneration takes a hit when you’re wearing a shield, and it doesn’t really protect you from damage when you end up using it. In fact, it’s far more effective to simply dodge an oncoming attack and smack your opponent to replenish some health, which is basically the essence of the ebb and flow of combat.

9. Porn Magazines – Metal Gear Solid series

Metal Gear Solid series, porn magazines
Image source: Konami

While the porn magazines in the Metal Gear Solid series do admittedly have a use, albeit a very limited one, they’re largely a pointless article that will likely have you uttering the words, “Whoa, there actually are porn magazines in metal Gear Fest?”

Yes, the magazines in question actually have an in-game purpose: you can use them to distract guards. However, you have many other options available that achieve similar results. In fact, using porn magazines as a distraction can be a lot trickier than simply taking down a nosy guard.

Still, they’re a pretty cool addition…especially when you notice the fact that there’s a Hideo Kojima interview hidden inside. I mean, that’s why you’re looking at the pages so closely, right? TO THE RIGHT?

8. Perfume – Silent Hill 3

Most of the items in Konami’s iconic misty lake town are incredibly useful, helping you either solve mind-bending puzzles, heal your injuries, or destroy twisted manifestations of your inner guilt, fear, and desires. Then there’s the perfume, which does, um… what the heck does this thing even do do? Oh yes, it attracts monsters to rise from the shadows and slaughter you. Practically!

Okay, so if you want to get super technical, even though it’s an incredible niche, it does have some utility. To unlock some of the more powerful weapons in Silent Hill 3, you must defeat 100 monsters in one playthrough.

So if you’re looking for Heather Beam – one of the coolest weapons in the game – you should use this item to get there. Other than that, it’s a complete waste of time. You have been warned!

7. Shard of Glass – Elden Ring

Image source: FromSoftware

In true Souls-esque fashion, there’s usually one item in each title that’s intentionally utterly useless, with the sole purpose of confusing unsuspecting players. In Dark Souls we had the pendant and in Bloodborne we had the wooden shield mentioned earlier. But what about Elden Ring? Enter the broken glass.

At first glance it sounds like it could offer some kind of reprieve since it’s classified as a consumable item. But in practice, the Glass Shard absolutely zips. You can’t use it as a crafting ingredient, and you can’t even sell the damn things.

Already in the article description it is described as “worthless garbage”. Thank you Hidetaka Miyazaki. (That’s one person I’m crossing off my holiday shopping list!)

6. Burnt Books – Fallout and Elder Scrolls series

They say books are sources of knowledge, but what if the books in question burned more than my Sunday ham roast? Well, they become fewer sources of knowledge and more puddles of mindless nonsense. And who the hell wants that?

Yes, I wish I could say that these charred pages had a deep and meaningful hidden purpose, but alas, the plethora of burned books you’ll find scattered throughout the Wasteland, Mojave Desert, and Tamriel are just utterly useless. Next!

5. Dead Bushes – Minecraft

Minecraft, dead bushes

In Minecraft, the world is your blocky oyster. You can create majestic creations like cozy cottages, underground bases and cute bedrooms, or simply modify the game to make it kingdom.

Each block seems useful and purposeful. From shiny diamonds that can be used to craft better gear, to obsidian blocks that can be used to build nether portals, it all seems connected and makes sense.

And then there’s the Dead Bushes, which are just a void of empty nothingness. I mean they can drop a stick if you need a stick but other than that they just sit there looking sad and lonely. And who wants that? Nobody, that’s who.

4. The Pendant – Dark Souls

Image source: FromSoftware

Perhaps the most famous video game item in the world that is as useful as an underwater shower is the trailer. Not only does it do nothing practical, but even the game’s director on record declared it a “prank”.

In fact, this starting gift is just a troll item. So if you’re looking for something handy to help you survive the kingdom of Drangleic, we’d recommend staying away from the ancient pendant. On the other hand, if you want to make a super challenging game even harder, then go for it, you masochist, you.

3. The Red Hook – Darkest Dungeon

The red hook, darkest dungeon
Image Source: Red Hook Studios (via Reddit)

Okay, so this is less of an item and more of a buildable monument in Red Hook Studios’ grueling rogue-lite, but still!

Yes, The Red Hook is one of the most expensive buildings you can build in your Hamlet, and while all other buildings have some utility and utility, this one Bupkis absolutely does. Instead, it just sits there looking pretty and is more a symbol of your needless greed than anything else.

Some fans thought it might have some hidden meaning or purpose, but no. It just stares at you blankly like a toddler who just left a pressie in his diaper. Speaking of…

2. Slay the Spire – Spirit Poop

Image source: MegaCrit

Funnily enough, the last two items on this list look pretty similar. First up we have Slay The Spire’s Spirit Poop, which is as gross as it is pointless.

In this rogue-lite deck builder, many of the game’s relics are absolute game changers that can help you wring a win from the clutches of defeat. And then there’s the Spirit Poop, an event relic you get from the Bonfire Spirits event.

His task? It’s completely worthless and simply subtracts a point from your total score once you complete a run or once you’re killed.

1. Hestu’s Gift – The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Image source: Nintendo

One of the coolest things about The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is finding the Korok seeds, which can then be used to unlock weapon slots and other worthwhile upgrades. Thing is, you actually only need – *checks notes* – 441 Korok Seeds to unlock everything.

Unfortunately, there are actually 900 of the elusive Golden Cores throughout the game. But what if you collect them all carefully? Don’t you get something super-duper cool? Not really.

Instead, you get the wonderful gift from Hestu, which is a big golden poop that’s…completely pointless. Not only does it serve no material purpose, but it gets Hestu to perform a dance that, if we’re being completely honest, just rubs salt in the wound. Sorry Hestu!

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