How do you recognize signs of struggle and have that difficult conversation with a veteran contemplating suicide?

We all probably encounter the same version of the same conversation at least once a day. Either you ask the question or someone asks you: How are you?

how do you answer I bet a lot of people have a similar answer: I’m fine.

But are you really okay? Or are you just being polite? Or respond on autopilot? Or do you not want to burden anyone with what you are going through?

Many of us can identify with not answering this question truthfully for a variety of reasons. But what do you do when an experienced friend or family member tells you they’re fine, but you can see signs that they’re struggling?

How do you recognize signs of a crisis?

The idea of ​​talking to someone about suicide can feel uncomfortable or embarrassing. But small measures such as B. Spending a few minutes talking to a veteran you care about can make a world of difference. You can start looking for signs of a crisis. Although every veteran is different and many show no obvious signs of intent to commit suicide, some actions and behaviors can be a sign that they need help.

start the conversation

Whether you see signs of a crisis or not, it’s important to have a conversation if you think something is wrong. You don’t have to be an expert to talk to a veteran who is facing challenges. You just have to show genuine caring and concern. You can review our Crisis Talking Handout to learn a few things to consider before speaking with the veteran.

Here are some highlights:

• Make supportive and encouraging comments. Don’t ask intrusive personal questions.
• Do not bring judgment or emotion into the conversation. Stay calm.
• Listen more than you speak. Don’t dominate the conversation.
• Remind her that you are there for her.
• Let them choose how much to share.

When you and the veteran are ready to talk, here are some ways to start the conversation. You can use these as a guide for face-to-face conversations or over the phone or text:

• “It sounds like you’re feeling incredible (insert appropriate feeling here – captured, overwhelmed, betrayed, etc.). Sometimes when people feel like this, they think about suicide. Is that something you’re thinking about?’
• “When did you first feel like killing yourself?”
• “Did something happen that made you want to take your own life?”