Mom asks if 11 is too young to be left home alone after co-parenting conflicts
A mother of an 11-year-old boy took to the Reddit forum r/Parenting to ask if her son is too young to stay home alone after having a co-parenting conflict with her ex.
The mother explained that she shares custody of her son 50/50 with his father. Her son spends a week with her and the next week lives in his father’s house.
She reported that her son told her that when he was with his father he would stay home alone.
“He said it was only a few minutes at a time, but I didn’t quite believe it,” the mother explained.
After the last delivery she asked his father if he would let her son stay at home alone.
The father confirmed that he leaves her son alone on days when he is not at school as his girlfriend no longer works from home.
He told the mother her son is left alone for eight hours even though his girlfriend “comes halfway home to check on him”.
The father gave the little boy a phone “so he can contact her if anything comes up.”
The mother said she was not comfortable with her ex-husband’s decision to let her 11-year-old stay home alone during the day.
“I feel like he’s way too young to be home alone for 8 hours,” she remarked.
She told her ex that she would be “more than happy to take my son for the day and bring him back if anyone is home” rather than leave the child alone.
“It triggered a pretty dramatic reaction,” said the mother. “We’ve always had a great co-parenting relationship, except here.”
She asked the subreddit if her 11-year-old was too young to be home alone, while also wondering if she had “overreacted” to the situation.
Most commenters believed that it was a case-by-case issue that depended on the child themselves.
“I don’t think there’s a blanket yes or no to that answer. Maturity matters and so does the environment,” said one user.
The same user explained his thinking by saying, “I have an 11 year old boy that I would never leave alone for more than 5 minutes. He is prone to bad decisions like a moth to a flame. I assume he would be playing Fortnite, eating junk food and finding a way to hurt himself within the first hour.”
Putting a direct question to the mother, one user asked, “At what age did you plan on letting him become more independent?” Now it’s time to give him a chance to show you he’s responsible.”
Other users expressed concern that their son lied about staying home alone.
One person suggested that the mother “should speak to me [her] son to ask him how he feels about it.”
“I would also ask him why he told you he would only be left alone for a few minutes when in fact it was many hours? Is it because he’s uncomfortable or is he concerned about your reaction to it?” The same user asked.
The mother responded to this question and said, “I really think he’s testing if I allow him to do the same when he’s with me.”
Continuing with her statement, she said: “I asked him if he’s ok with that and he says it’s fine and no big deal. Until he tells me otherwise, I have to trust him and his father on this.”
Providing context for her concern, she said: “When I was his age I was home alone quite a bit. Even at night. And no one thought twice about it. But now, maybe it’s just that I’m more aware of the world, it just seems wrong.”
“I know he needs to learn to be independent and I’m doing him a disservice by stifling that growth for him,” she said. “I just have to trust that I’m teaching him the right thing and trust that this is the right call.”
Noting that the boy is her youngest child, she said, “After reading the comments and thinking about what people are saying, I can see that he’s my last and has a role to play in it.”
Other people gave practical advice and told the mother to enroll her son in stay-at-home safety courses that some fire departments or the Red Cross offer – it’s really helpful.
Some users offered a more nuanced take, with one person stating that “there’s nothing inherently wrong with an 11-year-old being home alone, but would your son rather spend the day with you or alone with dad? That would be my bigger concern, personally.”
“He may be perfectly safe being alone, but as a kid coming home to an empty house after school every day, I don’t think it’s good for his overall well-being,” said another user.
It is clear that this particular parenting debate does not have easy answers, and whether a child is okay with being home alone depends on situational factors and whether both the parent and child feel safe doing so.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on the YourTango news and entertainment team. It covers celebrity gossip, pop culture analysis and all things entertainment related.
