Justin Thomas, golf balls, Edwin Diaz… and Bob Hope? You can bet on it
In honor of the Department of Transportation, Kenny Rogers’ awesome duet partner Dottie West, and the dot.com bubble — it’s been a while, but we’re bringing you the short-attention-span Sunday staple, the three-dot. . .
Foreground! USGA, R&A want to slow the roll (and the flight).
Man, you’d think they banned Dockers and NetJets. Golf’s oldest overlords this week announced an upcoming (in 2026) change to golf balls, which should slightly shorten driving distances at premier events and, as a side effect, keep many great old (shorter) golf courses relevant… “People run faster. So what, are they just going to lengthen the length of a mile so the fastest mile doesn’t change?” asks PGA Tour stud and critic JustinThomas. “Or will they put the NBA hoop at 13 feet because people can jump higher now?” …
… If Augusta National must purchase part of the golf course on its southern border so it has room to extend the National’s 13th hole, push the 5th tee practically off the property and secure the 1st tee damn close to the putting green, you may want to call a meeting sometime… Same goes for when st andrews had to move on the 17thth literally teeing off to add distance and keep the road hole relevant to its original purpose… A lot of progress in distance has come from better training leading to faster swing speeds, but most of it has come (you gotta think) of advancements in clubs and golf balls, and the balls are the easier target…
… Justin Thomas suggests you don’t see that split in standards – pros different from amateurs, physical changes to gear, etc. — in other areas of sport. He’s wrong, of course, and we’re going to help him along the way here with a few examples… For now, speaking of distance, a few words from the former American golfer, Bob Hope: “I have a wonderful short game. Unfortunately it’s off the tee”…
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Dog days come early for Mets fans
I was driving a local thoroughfare this week and saw a huge concrete slab being completed at a commercial site. You might not believe it, but it wasn’t a future car wash or warehouse… Hate it for that meads Fans (just kidding but it sounds neighborly) but an ace reliever Edwin Diaz is likely to be out for the year after injuring his knee at a post-game celebration World Baseball Classic. Some people, of course, criticize the four-yearly international event as if Diaz couldn’t have been injured at St. Lucie… It’s like blaming the DC Theatrical Society John Wilkes Booth …
… One of the arguments among distance golfers is that amateurs need to use the same equipment as the pros. From everything I’ve seen Titleist, Callaway and the others will still be able to offer their “crippled” pro balls in the pro shops of the world, so go for it…
… And by the way, Sandbag Sam And Single Digit Stu are part of the problem of modern golf. America’s Golf Courses — especially the top crust variety — are flooded Committee of the Greens Chairmen who insist on getting their back tees past the 7,000 yard mark and their greens at marble speed, which in turn makes too many 18-hole rounds longer than Thanksgiving with the in-laws… Can you imagine if professional car racing didn’t (literally) slow down? Of course, many would like that, but they would have to move the grandstands back so far, binoculars would be the standard fare …
Forget the golf ball, remember when the forest was made of wood?
You don’t see professional baseball players using composite bats, do you? If big league thugs were allowed to swing metal, MLB would have to tear it down Comickey Park And Tiger Stadium …Oh wait, they already did. what’s left OK, they would have to demolish either Dodger Stadium, Wrigley field And Fenway Parkor move the outfield walls back to San Gabriel Mountains (L.A.), Grace Street (Chicago) and the South Shore of the Karl river (Boston) …don’t you love it when boys dodge Google Maps and again pretend to be geographical geniuses? … It’s never going to happen, but a golf-distance baseball solution would be great. Let the pros go back to wooden timbers. Bring back the carved 3 wood around trees from 250 (and the duck hook by the way)…
…By the way, Justin, professional bowlers don’t bowl the same lanes as you. Friday Night League bowlers. Talcum powder Tommyotherwise proud of its average of 221, benefits from friendlier trace oil than Pete “Who do you think you are” Weber …… Bob Hope: “Gerry Ford is easy to spot on a golf course. He’s the one driving a cart that has a red cross painted on it.” … Hard to imagine, kids, but we had a vice president once, later president, who’s been on PGA Tour pros and bean spectators so many times, stop to qualify as news. And considering he was just a short distance away from re-election…
… This brings back memories of old jokes. After the league night on the lanes, yeah falls asleep in the arms of his mistress, wakes up in a panic at 3 a.m. and sprinkles talcum powder over his chest on the quick drive home. wife Carol greets him at the front door, he panics again and confesses where he’s been and with whom. “You’re a liar,” says Carol when she sees the talcum powder. “You were outside playing pool with the boys!” …
Rest easy, May 5th and 6th will put your party muscles to the test: Cinco de Mayo and Kentucky Derby a 1-2 hit so to speak
… If professional pickleball ever gets a moderate level of sports TV viewing, it would help if both of its prominent professional leagues weren’t PPA And APP. The partner of the PPA, Major League Pickleballis coming to town this coming week, just weeks after both the APP and PPA took over Pictona … Sort of like explaining the difference between the PGA and the PGA Tour to casual fans – one is a group of professional golfers and the other is a group of professional golfers, most of whom don’t want to lose 5% of their swing…
… Another from Bob Hope: “Again we hiked through the trees looking for my tee shot. I asked my caddy to stop looking at his watch, it’s distracting. He told me, ‘That’s not a clock, sir, that’s a compass.’ ” … I hope you feel better today than you did on Saturday morning afterwards St. Patrick’s Day. Enjoy it in a few weeks Easter to cleanse your soul, if not your inside, for the first weekend of May brings a double whammy: Cinco de Mayo on Friday May 5th (weird how it always falls on that day, right?) and derby day on May 6th… Pro tip for the derby: never bet on the defending champion.
— Reach Ken Willis at [email protected]
